To Please the King

Today was a very special day in the Gergia kingdom. The king had made a decree the day before, inviting anyone who dared, to come and attempt to please him. They could do anything that they liked as long as he found it pleasurable. If they succeeded, the king would present to them the finest of jewelry he had to offer and a position of power in his kingdom. There was a catch however; anyone who ventured to attempt this feat and failed would be executed, beheaded in front of the townspeople the very next day. Why he decided to do this is unknown, although it is believed that having run out of people to war with he was kind of on the bored side.

The king sat on his throne, which was garnished with gold and which was in size much larger than the king himself, and awaited the various individuals that would risk their lives for riches and power. He wore a brilliant gold crown that had glorious, shining diamonds going all around it. He bore a stern facial expression, one that bordered on agitated. He was obviously not going to make it easy on the talent show contestants.

The first to walk in and try his hand at pleasing the king was an ogre type monster. He was dark green in skin color and scales ran down his arms and up his back, all the way to the top of his head.

“What have you brought to please me?” bellowed the king.

Upon this prompt the monster proceeded to pop out his eyes from their sockets which he then held in his hands. Then with a wiggle and a tug he pulled his nose from his face. He then began juggling all three body parts while aiming a hopeful, almost giddy, smile at the king.

Without changing his expression or even flinching at the performance just given to him, the king said, “Jugglers have never been my fancy. Take him away.”

Next a being walked in that resembled an alien. It had pale, almost translucent skin that was green and big black eyes. Its limbs were long and swayed as it moved, and the thing’s fingers and toes were abnormally long.

“What have you brought to please me?” asked the king once again.

The thing then blinked and with no other warning another thing appeared. Now there were two aliens. Another blink made four. Another made eight. Another made sixteen. This continued until there was a crowd of other-worldly beings standing before the king. Out of seemingly thin air instruments appeared and the crowd of alien beings began playing a classical symphony.

No expression of delight or surprise showed on the king’s face. In fact, he gave a long sigh as if this whole show only agitated him.

“Just what we need, one lousy musician multiplying into several lousy musicians. Get them out of here!” said the king with disgust.

Next a man walked in. He showed no special characteristics at first sight. He didn’t look like there could be anything special about him. He just looked like a regular man. The king took one look at him and expected this was definitely going to be a waste of his time.

“What have you brought to please me?” said the king in voice that sounded tired and bored.

“Well, your majesty, I have just laid with your wife – the queen.” The man proclaimed quite confidently. The king however looked very confused and almost angry.

“You see,” he continued “The stories of her not being very satisfied with you as a lover has gotten all over the kingdom. She had never been intimate with another man besides you, but she felt like what you two had was lacking nevertheless.” The man swallowed hard and finally showed some signs of nervousness.

“So, I convinced her to sleep with me. I am not very, um…well endowed, and I am quite clumsy in bed. I am thoroughly convinced that she did not enjoy the experience and from now on she will not be taking for granted the skills you possess in the bedroom.”

The king stared at the man for a moment. Then he burst into uproarious laughter.

“Ha-ha! It’s good to be king! Servants, give this man his jewels!” the king said with a smile and a face already red from laughter.

From then on there were many stories in the kingdom of the man that showed the queen a bad time, and of the king and his talent competition, and of the queen, who was perfectly okay with her love life the way it was.